Have you ever bolted upright in the middle of the night, yanked from a deep sleep, covered in sweat, and wondered why effeminate fairy wannabe Tingle doesn’t have his own game? Well, rest easy friend because it’s finally happening.

That’s right, Tingle will soon be starring in his own DS adventure entitled—I kid you not—Fresh Tingle’s Rose Coloured Rupee Land. Granted, that’s translated from the Japanese title and it will surely change for other territories, but come on!

Clearly, somebody over at Nintendo thinks that Tingle is pure gold. It’s my personal opinion that Twilight Princess will be the last Zelda game starring Link. All future iterations will star Tingle, who will ride around Hyrule on a giant ladybug searching for missing kittens.

Hell, SEGA has successfully diluted and ruined the Sonic franchise, it only makes sense that Nintendo would follow suit with Zelda, right?

Read more at Eurogamer, if you dare.

According to GamesIndustry.biz, Nintendo is preparing to ramp up production of it’s phenomenally successful DS Lite. The company plans to raise production to 2 million units a month, up from the previous rate of 1.6 million.

As Kotaku points out, Japan snaps up 400,000 Lites a month already, leaving 1.6 for the rest of us. That’s 1.6 million for all of North America and Europe. I’d have to agree with GI.biz that even 2 million may fall short of demand.

I hope you’re not waiting for Christmas to get yours, because you may be out of luck.

The fine folks at Penny Arcade got a pretty neat little package yesterday. Check out their free (free!) DS Lite:

[gv data="MR8-718ecuQ"][/gv]

Of course, the most obvious question is “how the hell do I get a free DS Lite?” Surely you’re all thinking the same thing: “Why didn’t Sense get a free DS Lite? He’s our favorite blogger!”

First of all, thank you for your support. Second of all, I urge all of you to contact Nintendo immediately and tell them how you feel. Seriously, do it. I want one. Go ahead. No, no, it’s cool. I can wait.

I didn’t do my usual weekend wrap-up post on Monday, so I figured I may as well do it now. My reading of the last Halo novel continues apace. Slowly, but apace nonetheless. I have nearly finished New Super Mario Brothers. Let me assure you, it has some maddening secrets. I am having great difficulty finding them all. I’ve got most of them, but a handful seem to elude me. Don’t worry, I’ll get ‘em.

Speaking of secrets, I should have some good news shortly. Though, since it’s secret and all, I cannot reveal it just yet. Sit tight, as I’m sure you’re all on the edge of your collective seat.

And I don’t think I mentioned this, but I saw X-men 3 last weekend. It was pretty good. I recommend it, though not wholeheartedly. Suffice it to say I hope there is another one that more properly wraps up the trilogy that was supposed to be.

To top things off, I recently discovered the joys of Uno last night. If you’ve got a 360, I do recommend—wholeheartedly even—that you pick up Uno. Basically, it’s like calling up your friends for a nice chat, only a lot more entertaining. As an alternative to IM or, dare I say it, long distance, Uno does quite nicely.

So, how about the rest of you? Played any good games lately?

In my recent tradition of picking up games two weeks after everyone else, I finally bought New Super Mario Bros. this weekend. It’s pretty much everything you would expect. It’s really more of a return to the original Super Mario Bros. than an expansion on the series. You will be hard pressed, however, to not feel the “magic” when you happen upon the first Tiny Mushroom. I am upset that the game has completely abandoned the flying dynamic established in Super Mario Bros. 3. Someone pointed out to me that you can still hijack Lakitu’s cloud, but it ain’t the same thing. It’s still pretty fun though. I will no doubt devour it quickly.

In another retro twist, I powered through Mega Man this weekend, too. A friend of mine got me the anniversary collection last Christmas. Let me assure you, anyone who can get through Mega Man the right way—in one sitting with no saves—has my respect.

In yet one more blast from the past, I played through a level or two of Halo 2. I also picked up the Halo 2 Soundtrack Vol. 2. It’s pretty nice if you’re a fan. I’ve kind of been on a Halo kick recently. I’m going back through the novels in aniticipation of the next graphic novel/book/game/movie. Hell, I must have spent two hours last week reading the Wikipedia entry on The Covenant. I also found out what a Covenant engineer looks like. They look like this:

Crazy, no?

Anyway, I hope the Americans among you had a nice Memorial Day. I did.

Romancing Meowzilla? I told you it was wacky. But you didn’t believe me did you? Well, here it is. If you prefer, you can download a higher-res version here: Right click/Save As 

By the way, I’m trying to make it so I can stream Quicktime right off my server—thus avoiding YouTube—but it’s not working just yet. Hopefully soon. At any rate, enjoy the show.

[gv data="6y5L1SiEayY"][/gv]

No posts yesterday. I had stuff to do, you know? Actually, I was spending some time yesterday trying to get my video player up and running. It should be working pretty soon, so you can all bask in video goodness. The first video? Elite Beat Agents, the crazy Japanese dance/action game for the DS! Formerly known as Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! in Japan, the game is both wacky and zany. The video shows a man getting fired. Somewhere, in a secret bunker, agents are sent out to right this wrong…by dancing, I guess. It’s very strange. And soon you can see it for yourself. Sit tight.

I decided to spend this weekend actually playing games, instead of just writing about them. I am sorry about the single post on Friday. That was probably just fallout from posting so much during E3.

Having discovered that Zero Suit Samus was one of the new characters in Smash Bros. Brawl, I decided it was about time to pick up Metroid: Zero Mission. So I bought it Friday for ten bucks and I’m glad I did. Zero Mission is a nice elixir for the wrongs of Hunters. I do like Hunters, it’s just not the same thing. It wasn’t intended to be.

Metroid is basically my favorite series alongside Castlevania. The exploration/upgrade/more exploration formula is just about perfect in my opinion. It just feels right, you know? Zero Mission is no exception. However, any complaints you may have heard about the length of the game are probably accurate. I’ve spent a good three hours on the game thus far and am almost at the Ridley fight, to give you an idea. I can only assume this Zero Suit is in there somewhere. The idea of a helmetless Samus with an energy whip/sword thing was enough to make me buy the game, so it better be in there.

On top of Zero Mission, I have been playing Hunters, both games nestled comfortably in my DS. I’m almost finished with Hunters and I’ll start checking out some online matches soon. I haven’t really touched Tomb Raider in a couple of days, as my 360 has been better served by E3 media. I really have to commend Microsoft for all the content last week. So, um yeah, good job Microsoft. 

E3 is over. I promise that once I have finished my cornucopia of games, I will give you all the benefit of some (long overdue) reviews. In the meantime, go soak up some E3 afterthoughts, relax, and wait for November.

Well, it’s nearly here. E3 starts in a mere two days. Keynotes will soon flood the internet. Announcements will be made. Awards will be handed out. The hype for upcoming games will begin. Some will rise to the occasion upon delivery, others will be miserable piles of excrement. This is the time of year when journalists look at games in development. These games will have promise. Reporters will look at them and say that the controls need work, but that the developers have plenty of time to work that out. We all know that never happens though. When the game comes out the controls will still suck. Sigh… So, what am I looking forward to? Let’s find out:

• Halo 3
• Too Human
• Any and all things Wii related
• Super Smash Bros. Wii
• Zelda (Gamecube and DS)
• Phantasy Star Universe
• Some Japanese RPGs for 360
• Nintendo sending me a free DS Lite (Please!)

There’s probably a few more things I could put up there, but that’s the big list. You may notice my lack of excitement for the PS3. Well, I’ve learned not to get too excited about Sony when it comes to trade shows, at least not when they’re talking about upcoming hardware. I’m sure there will be some real-time offerings this year, but I’ll wait and see. For me, this year is all about the Wii. It’s the only thing that’s really exciting. There are some potentially great games coming to 360, but the Wii really has a chance to bring something entirely new to the table. We all sit with bated breath to see what Nintendo is going to do.

 Ah…who am I kidding. I just want my new Smash Bros.

—oops. Fixed a spelling mistake.

Nintendo announced today that the DS Lite will hit US shores on June 11th for “as low as” $129.99—hence the asterisk above. Start stockpiling those extra dollars now. If you don’t have a nice view of the world under that rock of yours, here is a list of features:

• It’s less than two-thirds the size of the original Nintendo DS and more than 20 percent lighter.
• Its two bright screens can be adjusted to four levels to adapt to different lighting conditions and to extend battery power.
• The microphone sits in the center of the unit, and the LED lights are clearly visible whether the unit is open or closed.
• The stylus is 1 centimeter longer and 1 millimeter thicker than the stylus of the original, and slides into a side storage slot.
• The Start and Select buttons were repositioned for easier access.
• A removable cover keeps the Game Boy Advance cartridge slot clear from dust and debris when it’s not in use.
• It’s awesome.

Okay, that last one was mine, but it might as well be a feature. Reggie Fils-Aime also notes, “DS Lite and New Super Mario Bros. represent a double shot of gaming excellence.” Can’t wait.