——-

Starts off promising. Little psychic, developmentally disabled. Explosion. Zombies.

unclear signposts. weapon just disappears from her hand? What?

Why does a decontamination syringe heal my electrical wounds?

I encounter a locked door, continue on my way, stumbling through the dark and murdering a few zombies, until I come upon … some guy. The guy tells me he has a friend who may be able to help, but we need to find a land line to call him since the cell network is down. And so we head the control room, which had the aforementioned locked door.

Turns out it’s a DNA lock, but that’s okay because my underworld cab driver is only too happy to give Lana his DNA Cracker.

This guy proceeds to give me information about the zombie outbreak, which happened maybe an hour ago? Was Lana knocked out for weeks? He knows all about how the contamination works and about these magic syringes that help contain it.

I turn off the power but it’s very clearly still sparking? So I turned off the power to keep a fence from being electrified, and yet I still push a button to open it. What?

“This place is where the infection is particularly strong.” How do you know that? How long ago did this happen? Like an hour ago?

A magical contamination detecting belt.What?

Lana could obviously fit through the holes Amy has to crawl through

no back story. amy’s just a (psychic?) savant

Story dialogue instantly cuts off once I pass an invisible line that triggers other dialogue. Was I supposed to stand still and listen to this guy once we opened the door?

Watching Lana get scared by an ineffective jump scare is … insulting? The same jump scare again? Definitely. [Okay, a few of these got me, I'll admit. Mostly because I was startled out of boredom.]

Narrative inconsistencies. Like the cabbie knowing all about the infection, even though he has no idea what’s going on.

Sidling along ledges that are obviously wide enough to walk across

Amy will often get stuck behind doors as you close them (or as they automatically shut behind you). I suppose you could argue that’s part of the gameplay, in that you’re supposed to protect her, but it feels more like the hand holding was done to get around some bad pathfinding [This might be a little harsh, especially as the hand-holding mechanic becomes clearer. Still, Amy will occasionally get lost / stuck for no apparent reason.]

Lana hardly ever speaks, why? [She talks a lot more toward the end, but she hardly utters a word in the beginning, while the cabbie prattles endlessly.]

There’s a newspaper, with an article about the object crashing from the sky. In the same subway where Lana’s train crashed … because of the object that fell from the sky. It makes no sense. [To clarify, if this disaster happened hours ago (if that long), how is there already a newspaper article about it, and why is it in a subway affected by the disaster that happened hours ago?]

How are there syringes to control this contamination hours after it happens.

The game gives me a prompt to pick up an aluminum can. Upon pressing the A button, Lana responds, “nothing but trash.” WHY DID YOU SAY I COULD PICK IT UP

amy never makes any noise at all, except when she screams…

hacking sequence mask loading? They have to. Surely a developer wouldn’t keep me standing in one spot for thirty seconds on purpose.

Not a single elevator in the world of Amy has a button within arm’s reach.

Every moment is achingly ponderous.

Lame allusions to “the professor,” a character we’ve never met. Phoenix soldiers, we’re just supposed to know who they are, etc.

It’s not impossible to drop players into the middle of a story and expect them to fill in the pieces — Left 4 Dead is a good example — but so many of Amy’s pieces just aren’t there.

Note to developers, if your ladder climbing animation takes so long that you decide to give players the option to skip it, maybe you’re doing something wrong.

No mid-level saves? [Expletive deleted] you. These are long levels. [Side note: Level length is inconsistent. Some chapters will take over an hour. Others are 20 to 30 minutes.]

When I load a checkpoint, all the syringes I had before the checkpoint disappear. WTF. [This is infuriating and it makes no sense!]

Vague plot points about some nefarious scheme. Lana says dude destroyed the city without having gathered any evidence that points to that. Characters introduced without any context at all, as though we should already know who they are.

Combat is easy. If you don’t have a weapon, you can’t win the fight, so no suspense there. [Fights are generally easy to win, but weapons break eventually. This usually isn't an issue. That said, if you don't have a weapon, it's impossible to fight. So, it's either an easy fight, or no fight at all. Either way, there is no suspense.]

[I didn't jot this down in my notes or mention it in the review, but the ending is ridiculous. After defeating a monster in the hospital, an ending cutscene starts playing, during which Lana is glad to be safe, although soldiers are surrounding the hospital. This cutscene ends with a man standing on a rooftop opposite the hospital. He calls Lana on the phone / walkie-talkie and says (in a southern drawl), "Hello ladies. It looks like you could use some divine intervention."

I had no idea who he was. This morning I did some digging and realized he was "Father John," a character that appears once in the game, and on a television screen at that. The developers obviously made a model for him (seen here), but it's nowhere in the game at all. Why does he have a gun? Are these soldiers his? Is he there to save them from the soldiers? Who knows? He just spouts his line and ... credits. Done.]

——

There you go. Hopefully you found this useful.

You might have seen people say that this was a good movie, or a faithful representation of the game, and I would urge you to disregard anything those people say in the future about movies or, indeed, any other subject. Silent Hill: The Movie evokes the games without accurately expressing them – to the extent that the movie succeeds at all, it is because director Christophe Gans has mastered the series’ visual lexicon.  It was weighed down by a faulty script, a terrible kind of smudge across the sheet, but brilliantly directed. It is in this way that it most closely mirrors electronic gaming in a general sense, though (ironically) not Silent Hill, in that it is the sterling execution of a poor narrative.

He is right about the evocation of the games. I hadn’t really articulated the thought in my head, but he’s right. In short, if you really want the Silent Hill experience, I suggest you go play the games, particularly the first two. And I suppose you can disregard everything I say ever again, but I still enjoyed the movie. Frankly, I’m not sure its complexities can ever be accurately captured on film, or at least not in a way that would stand up to mass acceptance. I’d like to see it happen but I’m certainly not expecting it.

Then again, Tycho is a verbal guy. Language is his bread and butter. I’m a little more forgiving of bad scripts. To each his own, I guess.

PS. Here’s a review from a horror fan’s perspective, if that’s your angle.

I finally saw Silent Hill on Saturday. If you read this site much, you’ll know that I have been very excited about this movie. I’ve basically been waiting for this movie since I first played the game years ago on a borrowed Playstation. Since then, I’ve been a fan. Needless to say, my expectations for the film were unreasonably high. As such, I feared there was no way I would walk out of the theatre with any sense of satisfaction. So, did Silent Hill deliver? For the most part, yes.

The basic plot of Silent Hill is fairly straightforward. Sharon, adopted daughter of Rose and Chris Da Silva, has a problem. She walks in her sleep. One night she nearly leaps to her death while sleep walking. When Rose pulls her from the brink, Sharon screams the name of a town: Silent Hill. Under the protests of her husband, Rose decides to find the town of Silent Hill and discover its connection to her daughter.

Silent Hill, of course, is no ordinary town. Just outside Silent Hill, Rose and Sharon have a car accident. When Rose comes to, Sharon is gone. Now it is up to Rose to find her daughter and uncover the mysteries of Silent Hill. Not long after Rose enters the town, she is transported to a world of darkness. This world is characterized by metal, rust, and grime. Strange creatures roam about. Random viscera hang from chain link fences. This dimension of Silent Hill is hell on earth.

Silent Hill is naturally hard to explain. That’s almost the point. This unknown quality is what generates most of the fear. Frankly, it’s the one element of this movie that was absolutely perfect. The dark, gritty world of Silent Hill translates surprisingly well. The first trip to the “Dark” world is especially frightening and disorienting. Of course, the second trip introduces the audience to Pyramid Head—whom the filmmakers have dubbed “The Red Pyramid”. If you are unfamiliar with this abomination, I won’t spoil it for you. The other monsters are great as well.

As director, Christophe Gans was quite competent. I especially enjoyed his portrayal of the different dimensions of Silent Hill, making it very clear that they are seperate. Whether or not this is true in the game, it was a good fit for the movie. I applaud the decision to use real people to portray the monsters as well. There are no wholly computer generated baddies—except some scarab-like insects—in this movie. This results in all the monsters being more real—and more frightening. The dialog was adequate, though some of the cult scenes were a little over the top. Radha Mitchell was a good choice as the protagonist, Rose. Even though I’m getting tired of the Ring inspired creepy little girl character, Jodelle Ferland did a great job playing two different roles. Sean Bean, though his role was mostly illustrative, played his part well as he always does.

My major complaint with the film is the climax. I’m not a horror afficianado, but I felt that it was too gruesome, and frankly it didn’t fit the world of Silent Hill. The climax was basically gore for gore’s sake. That’s not something I enjoy, and I felt it was unnecessary. Implied suffering would have been much more effective in my humble opinion. It’s a small complaint, but the amount of gore really did bother me.

The ending, on the other hand, is perfectly suited to the world of Silent Hill. If you had to classify the denoument, it would probably be the “neutral” ending of one of the games. It’s not the “good” ending, but it’s not the “bad” ending either. The end of the film exemplifies what it does best: illustrating the vague, unknowing desperation of the characters. Silent Hill is not a horror movie—or even a thriller—in the traditional sense. There is no “good guy”, no hero. Everyone has flaws. This concept is what sets Silent Hill apart from games like Resident Evil, and this is perhaps what will make Silent Hill a difficult film for many people. Unfortunately, I’m probably unable to quantify what this film would be like for someone completely unfamilar with the games. For the most part, however, the film does the game justice, and that is all I could have wished.

Condemned—one of the first titles available for the 360 last November—is an interesting experiment. What the creators at Monolith have attempted is to put players in the shoes of a detective, allowing them to investigate crime scenes while simultaneously defending themselves from the denizens of the night. The game aims to mix forensics with fear and brutality. Does it succeed? Read on to find out.

Condemned puts players in the role of Ethan Thomas, an FBI agent. His city is in turmoil. Violent drug addicts roam the bad parts of town. Birds are dying all over the city. As one of the bureau’s best and brightest, Thomas is sent to investigate a murder scene. A killer called “The Matchmaker” has struck again. Posing his victims in grisly tableau with mannequins, Ethan is charged with uncovering the killer. The game, however, is not that simple. It isn’t long after arriving at the crime scene that Thomas and his fellow law officers realize the killer is still in the vicinity. Long story short, Ethan’s gun is stolen by the killer. The killer—whose primary function is to kill—shoots the police officers with Ethan’s gun. Framed for murder and alone, Ethan must find help and use his uncanny, almost psychic abilities to solve the mystery. The tutorial is over and the game has officially begun.

Condemned opens—literally—with a bang. The Se7en inspired intro is very well done and sets the mood nicely. After that, Condemned becomes a hard game to judge. The premise is great: fight off drug crazed goons and solve a mystery. The main draw of Condemned is the immersive nature of its first person perspective. The enemies sneak up on you or jump out suddenly, eliciting involuntary shouts and profanity. Just to add some more creepiness into the mix, Thomas also has visions. Some of these play out in cutscenes, but others happen during gameplay. Things will move, imaginary enemies will appear from thin air. These visions will often leave players questioning what is real and what isn’t. It’s a great device that brings the game world to life. This perpetual fear is the one constant of Condemned.

There are two ways to combat enemies: firearms and blunt objects. You’ll encounter many more blunt objects than firearms, though. The designers of Condemned wanted to make damned sure players always feel the tension of close up combat. Adding to this tension is that firearms come with limited ammo. Once that ammo is gone, there is no reloading. At that point, the gun can either be dropped or used as a melee weapon. The designers were tricky here, too. They didn’t want people using guns as melee weapons and conserving ammo, so after a few melee attacks with a gun, it will break. You can still shoot it but as a melee weapon it’s junked.

Melee combat is visceral, if simple. Each weapon has three or four attacks with differing angles and quickness. Some weapons—the lead pipe, for example—are quick and have low damage rates. Others—fire axes, sledge hammers, etc.—are slow but do massive damage. Learning to block is a useful skill, though artful dodging will serve just as well. Agent Thomas also has a long range taser to briefly incapacitate and disarm enemies. There are also gruesome (and optional) finishing moves.

The forensic sections are few and far between. What’s there is fairly rudimentary, too. For instance, the game automatically selects the correct forensic tool in any given situation. Players will be scanning surroundings with blacklights, laser lights, or gas spectrometers. When evidence is found, it’s collected with other tools like cameras, 3D scanners, and the amazingly fictional DNA collector. Somehow, this thing grabs DNA samples without even touching evidence. Real world accuracy aside, the forensic parts are neat diversions but mainly serve to further the story.

Graphically, the game is exceptional even for a launch title. The environments are creepy as hell. Each area is rendered in frightening detail: condemned buildings, abandoned schools—complete with scary playground—even a rotting farm house and barn. Each environment introduces new enemies to fight. The enemies themselves are all grotesque stereotypes of drug addicts. Some of them thin, pale, and fish-like. Others are huge, bearish monstrosities. Don’t think they won’t scare you because they aren’t zombies or monsters, either. Believe me, some of these freaks rival Silent Hill’s designs.

Condemned isn’t without its problems, though. For one, the actual combat can get a little boring. Most fights consist of swing, block, swing, repeat. An enemy will occasionaly get the jump on you, but it won’t really change the overall pace much. Also, as stated above, the forensics lack any real skill and are mainly a plot device. Which brings me to my major complaint. In a survival horror game, linear progression, simple puzzles, and tedious combat can be forgiven if the story is good. As stated above, Condemned starts off wonderfully, and it steadily grows as you try to understand what’s happening. You learn more about agent Thomas and the killer—there are even hints of the supernatural along the way. Unfortunately, the ending is likely to leave most players with more questions than answers. Ethan’s ESP-like abilities are never truly explained. No answers are given regarding the evil force behind the rash of violence in the city. If it were an eight dollar movie, I could probably forgive this fault, but I expect a little more payoff from a sixty dollar game.

As I said, Condemned is a hard game to judge. It does a lot of things really well. Other bits need some work. There are things to collect in each level, should you choose to replay the game. Frankly, the brutality of the combat left me a little sick to my stomach and I don’t think I’ll be playing through it again for the sake of collecting trinkets. If you dig survival horror games, it’s worth a rental. Take note though, this game is rated M for a reason. The faint of heart need not apply.

If you’re old enough to remember the original Game Boy, you probably remember that Tetris was its defining game. Tetris on the go is basically perfect, if done well. I picked up Tetris DS on Friday, and I’m happy to say it was done very well. Basically, this game is a no-brainer for anybody with a DS.

It would be easy enough to leave it at that, but I’ll try and make this a little more elaborate. Tetris DS will instantly appeal to anybody who remembers the NES. Every mode, menu, and song drips with old-school 8-bit goodness. The traditional marathon Tetris mode is visually the most interesting. The game itself takes place on the bottom screen. The top screen is occupied by the likes of Mario or Link. For example, as you clear lines, Mario will progress through an old Mario Bros. level in the top screen. It has absolutely no effect on the game, but it just makes me all tingly for the days of yore. It’s really brilliant marketing on Nintendo’s part, because it makes me want to break out all those old games.

As for the actual gameplay itself, it’s just Tetris with a few adjustments. First of all, you are able to see the next six blocks. If you have the cognitive skills of Rainman, you can plan ahead six steps. Mostly I found myself looking to see if the piece I needed was coming any time soon. The second addition is the hold feature. This feature lets you pull the current piece out of play to save for future use. For example, you can hold a line piece until you have an opportunity to erase four lines at once. This is a very handy feature for multiplayer matches, allowing you to wait for just the right moment to attack. It’s a great feature and good addition to the game.

That, however, is just the standard game of Tetris. Tetris DS introduces five more modes of play. These different modes each bring something new to the game. The best mode–which is also available for online play–is push mode. Push mode is essentially a Donkey Kong themed game of tug-of-war spanning both screens. One player’s pieces drop from the top and the other player’s pieces rise from the bottom. There must be solid pieces below yours or they will simply fall through and disappear. Players have to keep an eye on their opponents actions or a brilliant maneuver could be stolen. Clearing more than two lines pushes the middle line closer to the opposing player. The goal is to push the playing field all the way to the bottom or top of the screen. These games can last a long time, about on par with a good game of Puzzle Fighter.

The other modes are mission, puzzle, touch, and catch. Mission mode is a Zelda themed mode that challenges the player to clear lines in a specific way. For example, clear two lines at once with a specific piece. It’s an interesting idea but there are far too few missions to keep it fun. Catch mode–with a Metroid theme– defies description and I doubt many people will be spending too much time with it. It feels like a different game and it’s not nearly as fun. Puzzle mode–true to its name–has lots of pre-designed puzzles to solve. The player is given three pieces to choose from and must clear all the lines using all three pieces. It’s a nice diversion from the regular game and allows the player a breather from the traditional game.

Touch mode is played only with the stylus. It has two sub-modes, tower and puzzle. In touch mode the pieces are stationary and manipulated by dragging them with the stylus. Players tap the pieces to rotate them. In this mode the pieces are effected by gravity and will fill crevices if broken into pieces. Touch mode is almost an entire game in itself. It’s a lot of fun and some of the puzzles are pretty devious. I found Touch mode to be a great way to relax between regular games.

Of course, all of these modes are in addition to the excellent WiFi mode. Wireless LAN play allows up to ten people to play with a single cart. Online WiFi offers two player, four player, and push mode. All three work very well. It’s a blast to play. Four player mode even has items to trip up opponents or boost player performance.

Overall, Tetris DS is a great package. Excellent single player modes coupled with online play that can be enjoyed almost anywhere make this nearly impossible to pass up. The only people who will not like this game are people who absolutely hate Nintendo. For those of us who dig the nostalgia–or can at least stomach it–Tetris DS is just about perfect. Go get it.

 My introduction to the Elder Scrolls started with Morrowind on the Xbox. Morrowind played host to a staggering game world. Players could actually get lost. Multiple quests and myriad character customization options only made the game more daunting. In a way, that was my only gripe with Morrowind: it was too big. Still, I put lots and lots of hours into it. The game–constantly streaming data from the disc–basically ruined the DVD drive on my old Xbox, and I don’t regret it.

Enter Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Oblivion builds on the Morrowind formula: letting players loose in a gigantic world with plenty of freedom. From here you give yourself a name and choose the physical attributes of the character. The character creator is pretty robust, much more so than Morrowind’s. There are plenty of races to choose from. Facial features are morphed with sliders. Given enough time, you could probably make a decent facsimile of yourself.

After you’re done creating an avatar–I chose a wood elf, creatively named Richard–players are dropped in a prison in the land of Tamriel. After learning some of the basic controls, the King himself–voiced by Patrick Stewart–enters the cell. It turns out that your cell is the only entrance to a secret passage out of the city. It also turns out that your character has been popping up in the king’s dreams. Long story short: it’s your lucky day and the king decides you should come along with his guards. The next bit of the game is a training mission of sorts. Your given access to a sword, a bow, and rudimentary magic skills. From here players will trudge through the dark, slaying rats and the like. Eventually players meet back up with the king, who further explains the basic plot. Basically, the gates of Hell–Oblivion–have been opened and only someone of the royal bloodline can shut them. The king has forseen his death and tasks you with finding his son. Sure enough, the king bites the dust a few moments later.

Leaving the dungeon, characters begin the quest proper. If you want, you can hoof it to your first objective. If you prefer instant action, however, you can use Oblivion’s new instant travel feature. Simply pull up the map, select a location, and select travel. This is one of the best improvements over Morrowind. Another great addition–for those of us who decide to travel the hard way–is compass markers. Helpful icons–including the direction of the main quest–pop up on the game’s compass. This removes a lot of the guesswork that was prevalent in Morrowind. Purists may scoff at its lack of realism, but most will see it as a welcome feature. One more thing, Oblivion also introduces horses as a transit option. You can buy them–or steal them–at stables. Another improved feature is the menu system. The menu has several tabs–navigated with L and R–each divided into sub-tabs. Equipment, for example, is divided into weapons, armor, potions, etc. The quest journal has also been improved. It is now much easier to sort through main quests and side quests. Combat has undergone a few changes as well. For instance, attacks are no longer based on a “roll of dice”. In Morrowind, attacks were based on probablility. Thus, you could shoot at an enemy and miss, even though the arrow clearly should have stuck. Thankfully, that is gone. If an enemy is hit, it is hit. Skill merely regulates how much damage is done. This is a very welcome feature for the archery skill.

The graphics are mostly very nice. Some of the dense forests are truly breathtaking. There are some issues though. Indoor areas, for example, are nearly perfect. Step outside, however, and players are subjected to texture and object pop-up. Up close, everything looks great, but far-off objects are all rendered with low detail. As you approach these things, the “real” textures load. Often this causes a short hiccup in the gameplay as areas load. It’s not a deal-breaker but it’s worth mentioning. The character models are a mixed bag. Some of them look great. Others look decidely “last-gen.” I’m sure most of these issues are at least marginally better on the PC. Also, I should note that the game has actually frozen on me once.